Apparently Penis Whitening Is Now a Thing

The Lelux Hospital in Bangkok, Thailand, is currently offering a skin whitening treatment in a less than conventional place. The thought of it might make you wince but penis whitening turns out to be surprisingly popular in Southeast Asia with clients apparently traveling from as far as Myanmar, Cambodia, and Hong Kong. According to Bunthita Wattanasiri, who manages the skin and laser department at the hospital, the clinic sees roughly 100 men for the procedure every month.

“These days a lot of people are asking about it,” Wattanasiri told the AFP. “We have to be careful because it’s a sensitive part of the body.”

Unsurprisingly, news of the treatment caused quite a furor when the clinic posted a picture of a client undergoing a laser procedure on its Facebook page. It reached viral status on Thai TV and social media.  

The Thai health ministry has responded, telling people tempted to try the treatment for themselves that penis whitening is really not a very good idea. Aside from the side effects that include pain, inflammation, and scarring, patients who stop treatment will see their penis return to its usual shade and could end up with some “nasty looking spots”, the ministry has warned, reports the BBC. It could also harm your reproductive system and negatively affect your sex life.

But it turns out this service isn’t just for men. The Lelux Hospital’s marketing manager Popol Tansakul told the BBC they began offering vagina whitening services four months ago.

“Patients started to ask about penis whitening, and so we started the treatment a month later,” said Tansakul.

The procedure has caught on among men aged 22 to 55 years old and members of the LGBT community, Wattanasiri told the AFP. Patients can get five sessions for $650 (£450).

While skin whitening (or bleaching) has provoked a huge amount of outrage and criticism concerning the health implications, not to mention the racial connotations, of lightening your skin, it remains popular in several Southeast Asian countries, including Thailand. According to the BBC, over half of all clients visiting Lelux Hospital come in for skin whitening treatments. This is because darker skin is associated with outdoor labor and the working class, whereas fairer skin is thought to imply wealth and beauty. 

Fortunately, with this story being an exception, the tides may be turning on this dangerous beauty trend.

Read more: http://www.iflscience.com/health-and-medicine/apparently-penis-whitening-is-now-a-thing-in-thailand/

Donald Trump Opens His Sh*thole and Again Disgraces America

Come on, America. What more evidence do you need?

Let me be overly generous here. Suppose you agree that Haiti is a shithole. Its not one of your high-functioning nations, that is true. Of course, if you bother even to go to Wikipedia to read up for 10 minutes, youll find that the mess that is Haiti was partly made by these United States of America, with our ironclad support over three decades of the Duvaliers, father and son, brutal dictators and murderers and thieves, to whose crimes our governments turned many blind eyes. If you look around a bit more, youll see that Haitian soldiers fought in our Revolutionary War, in a battle in Savannah, Georgia. And if youre really intellectually adventurous, youll read about how Haiti was a slave colony in the late 1700s, remorselessly brutalized by Napoleon, and how Toussaint LOuverture, the leader of Haitian independence, has inspired artists from William Wordsworth to Jacob Lawrence to Ralph Ellison to Jean-Michel Basquiat.

Jean-Michel, a great American artist of the 1980s, was born to a Haitian father. A powerful artistbut, to the president of the United States, just another shithole kid.

But what Im saying is this: Even if you agree with Donald Trumps assessment of Haiti, I hope you surely agree that a president of the United States should not be talking that way about countries, no matter what the country is. Because in every country, even in Somalia, by every measure the worlds most dysfunctional country, there are innocent, decent people who have none of the dysfunction on their hands; who are indeed historys most unfortunate victims, people who are just trying to work and raise their kids and who happened to draw the short straw in the global lottery and be born in this place, and who want out.

And for many decades, many of the people across the globe who wanted out wanted to come here, to America, to make a better life. Now I ask you: Who wants to come to Donald Trumps America? Who?

Not the good people of Norway, to whom Trump opened the door with his comments Thursday. Why would they? They have health care, they have free college, they have many weeks of family leave and vacation. They want to visit, sure, because who doesnt want to visit? But move here?

We used to think everyone from everywhere wanted to move here. Of course. Were America! Were the beacon. But not anymore. With the President of the United States making racist comments like this and proposing policies to match the only people whod be really excited about moving here are other racists.

America, its time. Its time to start demanding, bluntly and daily and with a dignity that is completely alien to our president, that he should not be the president of the United States. I am in one sense happy to report that Americans dont need to be persuaded of this. As it happens, just Wednesday, Quinnipiac released a poll. In it, 57 percent of respondents said he was not fit to serve as president, to 40 percent who said he was.

This is a moment. Remember it. January 11, 2018. For one thing, its the first time I ever remember mainstream news outlets all saying the word shit. The word shithole actually appeared in a Washington Post headline. The New York Times couldnt quite bring itself to put the word in the headline. Okay. Its the Times. But it did put in the first graf of the story. On CNN, White House correspondent Jim Acosta used the word on air. He was right to do it. And he was right to say that the President seems to harbor racist feelings toward those who are, well, you know, not white. That seems looks soft in print. It wasnt on TV, trust me.

As the Q-poll shows, a majority of Americans agree. In a democracy, Congress would pay attention to public opinionas expressed in that Q-poll but also in many othersand would begin proceedings on whether the president was fit to be president. Believe it or not, thats what the founders wanted to happen. They wanted a Congress that would see a president say something like this, something so aggressively at odds with our national creed, and put party aside and debate the matter on the merits.

Of course, we have no such Congress. And if we have no such Congress, we have no democracy. We have a joke on democracy. And as long as the congressional majority thwarts the will and sense of the American majority, Im afraid the joke is on us. But we have to hope it wont be for much longer.

Read more: https://www.thedailybeast.com/donald-trump-opens-his-shthole-and-again-disgraces-america

Why The Length Of Your Fingers Dictate Who You Are

Unless some asshole just cut you off in traffic, you probably don’t give much thought to how important your fingers are. People yearn for sexier legs, flatter stomachs, or bigger … noses, but no one says, “Man, I wish my index finger was 0.2 inches longer.” And that’s too bad, because science now has reason to believe that if your fingers were longer or shorter, you might literally be a different person.

You Can Often Tell A Person’s Sexual Orientation By The Length Of Their Ring Finger

Being able to tell if someone is gay merely by looking at their fingers sounds like one of those playground urban myths that adolescent males use as an excuse to punch each other. (Is this the “hand size” thing Donald Trump is weirdly obsessed with?) But it’s a real thing. It’s called digit ratio theory, and multiple studies from all over the world seem to confirm it.

Apparently, if you have a longer ring finger, it means you got more testosterone as a fetus, and that has huge implications for your life, even beyond the stereotypical aggression and aversion to sleeves. A longer index finger, on the other hand, means more estrogen, making you more neurotic and sensitive.

A mega-study Voltronned from the results of 18 other studies concluded that women with “masculine” hands (shorter index fingers) are indeed more likely to be gay. A lesbian-centric finger length study from Rutgers even found a noticeable difference between self-identified “butch” ladies who drive trucks and wear flannel and the more feminine lesbians who tend to populate straight dudes’ fantasies.

So if you’re male and your index finger is way longer than your ring finger, you’re like the most fabulous dude ever, right? They’re still doing the science on that one. Some studies say it’s the other way around, and some say there’s actually no difference. Finger length does vary between ethnicities, so it’s possible that this is true in America, but not in Europe.

So how far into this entry did you get before you stopped to look at your fingers? Oh, you’ll be doing that a lot more before we get to the end of this article …

The Longer A Man’s Ring Finger Is, The More Women Are Attracted To His Face

Hey, here’s a factoid to either boost your self-confidence or totally kill it: Women think guys with long ring fingers have more attractive faces. But only the ring finger. Guys with long index fingers? Eh, not so much.

It sounds bizarre, but it goes back to what we told you before: The longer your ring finger, the more testosterone you received in the womb. A study led by scientist Camille Ferdenzi of the University of Geneva confirmed that above all other factors (including body odor drawn from the sweaty armpits of men of varying degrees of manliness), the length of the ring finger pretty much sealed the deal on how attractive a man’s face was to a woman.

Wiki CommonsThis hand later stuck the scientists’ heads down the toilets.

Determining this relation between testosterone and the face involved a complex experiment of showing pictures of men to a bunch of women and having them give a rating for masculinity and attractiveness. Over and over, long-ring-finger guys were all rated as having the best faces. So size does matter — just not where you may think.

What’s odd — but consistent with what we told you in this article about women being attracted to feminine male faces — was that a positive attraction rating wasn’t always paired with a masculine rating. This means that it’s possible that a man could have a longer ring finger, which means having more prenatal testosterone and thus a more attractive face, but not actually look more masculine. We’re calling this the Legolas Effect.

But gentlemen, don’t start plucking your eyebrows and donning your elf ears just yet. Like we said, this is prenatal testosterone, which is different from the fluctuating adult testosterone determining tone of voice and body odor, and it’s more or less unchangeable because its work is done once you’re born. Once you’re out, no more fetal testosterone for you. Which is rather unfortunate, considering the next part …

Different Finger Lengths Correlate With Different Mental Illnesses

Here’s another side effect of your mom’s womb skimping on testosterone and giving you a shorter ring finger: It makes you more susceptible to anxiety, depression, and eating disorders. But don’t worry, long-ring-finger people have their own issues.

Before you ask, yes, that “eating disorder” part goes for men too. One study measured men’s fingers and had them fill out questionnaires about eating behaviors and attitudes, and found that men with less prenatal testosterone (and shorter ring fingers) had less drive for muscularity, greater drive for leanness, and scored higher on disordered eating symptoms. Meanwhile, a study focused on twins found that women who were exposed to more testosterone (due to being womb-mates with a dude for nine months) showed less propensity toward eating disorders. So does this debunk our sexist notion that eating disorders are a “girl thing,” or prove it? No idea, we lost track.

Conversely, if your ring finger is unusually long, which means you scored the testosterone jackpot, then your grand prize is an increased risk of autism. Scientists still aren’t really sure what causes autism or what it even is, but one theory is the “extreme male-brain hypothesis,” which sounds like a painful condition in which all you can think about is monster trucks and wrestling. What it really means is that having extremely “masculine” traits (like preferring to think about things and systems rather than people) is a recipe for a mental disorder.

The theory is supported by the fact that people with autism have been found to have had greater prenatal testosterone exposure — which, again, is indicated by having a longer fourth than second finger. Other disorders related to these higher levels of prenatal testosterone (and to a “masculinized brain”) include ADHD and Tourette’s syndrome. Oh, and if that’s not depressing enough, your finger ratio might even predict your chances of committing suicide.

To test one bizarre theory, researchers took a camera, some rulers, and went and got some corpse fingers. Researchers “enrolled 71 corpses” in the study, who had been dead anywhere from seven hours to 14 days. Some deaths were by suicide, others by natural causes. The corpses’ hands were photographed, finger lengths measured, and longer fourth fingers indeed were correlated with suicide. The researchers didn’t find a correlation between suicide method and finger length, but they were ready with an explanation for this, speculating that the failure “might be due to us investigating an insufficient number of suicide corpses.”

OK, that’s the most metal thing science has ever said.

These fascinating/alarming factoids first appeared in 5 Insignificant Things That Determine Who You Have Sex With, 6 Ridiculous Sex Myths (That Are Actually True), and 4 Random Things That Predict Huge Health Problems Later, right here on Cracked!

Tiny fingers doesn’t mean you can’t have big dreams. Even though it’s cold, put on some training gloves and get out there and run!

If you loved this article and want more content like this, support our site with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.

Read more: http://www.cracked.com/article_25319_why-length-your-fingers-dictate-who-you-are.html

Stan Lee accused of sexually harassing, groping home health nurses

BTW

Longtime Marvel executive and comics creator Stan Lee, 95, has been accused of sexually harassing and assaulting home health nurses at his Los Angeles residence, according to a new report.

The Daily Mail, citing an unnamed source “with knowledge of the situation,” says Lee repeatedly groped young, female nurses, asked them for crude sexual favors, and walked around in front of them nude. The nursing company—also unnamed—told the news outlet that it cut ties with Lee late last year. The owner confirmed to the Daily Mail through a rep that she had received several complaints from nurses who worked with Lee.

Lee’s attorney, Tom Lallas, told the Daily Mail that Lee “categorically denies these false and despicable allegations and he fully intends to fight to protect his stellar good name and impeccable character.” Lallas sent a cease and desist letter to the nursing company on Dec. 20, which, according to the Daily Mail, accuses “individuals” at the nursing company for making defamatory claims against Lee. Lallas also alleges Lee is the target of extortion.

A representative of Vitale Nursing Inc., the home nursing company Lee now uses, told the Daily Mail that Lee has been “polite, kind, and respectful.” Lee’s company, POW! Entertainment, declined to comment on “personal issues” relating to Lee.

H/T The Daily Mail

Read more: https://www.dailydot.com/parsec/stan-lee-accused-sexual-harassment/

5 Boneheaded Conspiracy Theories You Had No Clue Existed

When you ask people what their favorite conspiracy theories are, it’s always the same old songs — the moon landing was fake, the British monarchy are all lizards, Tom Cruise is actually two small border collies in a tall coat, etc. People love tuning out the classics, but what about all the new conspiracies? Here’s a hipster’s guide to the indie darlings that are making their way onto the tinfoil hat scene right now. This is your chance to catch these up-and-comers before they start popping up on pieces of cardboard near you.

5

Anti-Vaxxers … For Pets

Of all the conspiracy nutjobs, anti-vaxxers are the most dangerous. Sure, Holocaust deniers and 9/11 truthers rant and rave like their skulls got infested by an ant colony that has figured out the tastiest parts of the brain are the ones that govern logic, reason, and how to speak at a normal volume, but words are all they have. Anti-vaccination advocates, however, are often parents who consciously put children in danger, all to prove that they’re smarter than nine out of ten doctors. But what about anti-vaxxers who don’t have children? How can they inflict their irresponsible delusions of superiority on someone too small and stupid to defend themselves?

They get a pet.

March Against Monsanto/Facebook“Have you ever noticed that vaccinated dogs never develop verbal skills? Exactly.”

As long as some pet owners treat their domesticated beasts like the children they should never have, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that human medical trends have a tendency to spill over to the world of veterinary medicine. The anti-vaccination panic is no exception. Over the last few years, some vets started noticing an increase in pet owners refusing to inoculate their puppies and kittens against serious illnesses. Dog owners in particular are being overprotective, believing that vaccinating their precious pooches could cause them to develop arthritis, epilepsy, cancer, and even autism. A creature that gladly shits on the floor having a hard time picking up on social cues? How do you even diagnose that?

One of such prominent dogshit spreaders is Catherine O’Driscoll, founder of the Canadian Canine Health Concern nonsense foundation. O’Driscoll keeps an extensive blog in the hopes of convincing other pet owners to let their dogs experience “natural canine healthcare” — which is just Darwinism. She believes firmly that because of wanton injections, her “dogs are becoming allergic to life,” but we’re sure Catherine has that effect on people as well. How else could she explain how her dogs were all dying before their time? Definitely has nothing to do with the fact that her Labrador purebreds are riddled with genetic defects like they’re incestuous Spanish nobles from the 17th century. No, it must be all that medicine that’s making them sick.

Christine O’Driscoll“We don’t tell you that stuff because it’s stupid and wrong.” – vets

But the people most drawn to the anti-pet-vaxxing lifestyle aren’t who you’d expect. “It’s actually much more common in the hipster-y areas,” notes one Brooklyn veterinarian. Hipsters, who use the word “organic” like it’s a verb, have started extended this au naturel mentality to their dogs and cats. After all, if they refuse to let their artisanal kale be chemically altered, why would they let a needle get anywhere near their beloved Allen Ginsbark? It’s always better to let nature take its course. That way, they can get into the next pet epidemic way before anyone else does.

4

There’s A Slave Colony On Mars

Whatever happened to the good old days of space conspiracies? The days when we thought that Neil Armstrong was an actor, the government had a few UFOs in a basement somewhere, and the worst thing an all-powerful alien species would do was poke at our butts for treasure. Gee whiz, moon madness sure seemed a lot more innocent back then, huh? Not like today, when it’s all space vampires this and child slave colonies that. Times, they are a-changing.

In June 2017, during on one of Infowars’ nationwide broadcasts, Alex Jones, ringmaster to the criminally insane, was joined by the esteemed Robert David Steele. Steele is a former CIA operative, Marine Corps major, and proof you can get far in U.S. government with a winning smile and only half a brain. He was there to discuss some pretty standard Infowars fare — how most child molesters are in fact cannibals who scare children in order to adrenalize their blood so that they can suck their bone marrow in order to stay eternally young. Then the conversation took a weird turn.

Out of nowhere (which is how Steele and Jones form most of their thoughts), Steele went on a tangent about NASA’s slave camp on the Mars colony. Hmmm? You didn’t know there was a colony on Mars, let alone that it’s populated by slaves? Get with the program, liberal. According to Steele, who was once licensed to kill people by the government, NASA has been categorically kidnapping children for decades, gathering them up and shipping them off to Mars. Then, after a 20-year trip, these astro-Gollums are used as slave labor to build NASA’s hidden Mars colony. That’s a lot to process, but let’s not lose sight of the most important question: Why does it take 20 years for those kids to get to Mars? Did their Challenger break down, and did they have to take a replacement bus service to the Tharsis plateau? That’s somehow a weirder lie than the slave colony.

NASA/JSCFrom the upcoming drama Seven Light Years A Slave

Of course, Steele doesn’t furnish the audience with any real information, but that’s not what’s important. Steele didn’t come on Inforwars to make people believe in vampiric molesters or Spartacus on Mars; he’s there to make Alex Jones look good. After his crazed rant, Jones, having gotten his jumping-off point, immediately starts talking about how “top NASA engineers” have indeed told him that 90 percent of all NASA missions are kept hidden from the public. Like the lunatic bear that he is, Jones often invites crazy guests to serve to induce some type of Goldilocks effect on his base of conspiracy theorists (i.e. losers too atheist to blame their shitty lives on gay people).

Hearing someone call NASA a bunch of covert ops Deep State agents working on a secret agenda sounds utterly insane … unless you’ve just heard some nutjob talk about them being a bunch of seersucker-suited slave masters building a new world on Mars by turning molested children into space Oompa Loompas. Then it’s downright reasonable by comparison.

3

The National Parks Service Is Covering Up Disappearances

Sometimes people disappear in the woods. That’s not surprising. There are plenty of hidden alcoves, lake beds, and animal stomachs for the lost or hurt to disappear into. What might be more surprising, however, is the sheer number of people who wander into national parks, never to be seen again. Since records began, over 1,600 people have gone missing on public land, and no one seems to be paying attention. That’s why a retired cop is going on a one-man crusade to raise awareness — not of the dangers of hiking, but of how rangers are refusing to tell us how many of those missing people were kidnapped by fairies.

David Paulides is an former police detective who moved to Colorado for two reasons: skiing and Sasquatches. After his time on the force, he became an avid Bigfoot hunter, founding the North America Bigfoot Search. But his life changed when Paulides (according to Paulides) was approached by two park rangers who asked him to look into their agency covering up strange disappearances. Why they came to a guy who had spent years tracking something he never found, we won’t know, but what followed was a tale of general incompetency, so that might have something to do with it.

David PaulidesPaulides, in what strangely looks exactly like the type of photo someone would take before they would disappear without a trace.

In 2011, Paulides started the CanAm Missing Project, his goal being to figure out the possibly occult cause of all these mysterious disappearances. What qualifies a missing person’s case to be labelled “mysterious”? Just about anything.

For example, when writing about two women disappearing near the same river, he noted that “both of their names start with A, and their first names only had three letters,” as if the river was only trying to sweep away people with low Scrabble values. He also remarks that “that berries and berry bushes play a common role in many disappearances” which he finds “quite intriguing,” as if park rangers aren’t the only people in the world who like that their phones autocorrect “Wanna get some beers?” to “Wanna see some berries?”

He also has a map pinpointing 59 wildlife areas where all these disappearances occur. There are 59 federal parks in the United States. Coincidence? Conspiracy? Did he simply make his own map of all the parks?

David PaulidesThat’s for the feds to decide.

But for all his foibles, we should be commending Paulides. He isn’t like other conspiracy theorists, in that he does vastly more good than harm. His CanAm Missing Project and his Missing 411 books, while delusional, have grown to be the most comprehensive collection of data on missing people in national parks in existence. Paulides isn’t exactly making anything up, either. “I don’t put any theories in the books — I just connect facts,” he says. And his facts can’t help but involve teleporting and magical murder berries. At his worst, he’s a Deep Throat looking for the Woodward and Bernstein of exposing centaurs. At his best, he’s exactly the kooky conspiracy theorist the National Park Service deserves: well-meaning, a bit bland, and obsessed with berries.

2

Hurricane Irma Was A Liberal Hoax

Hurricane Irma was one of the worst calamities to ever hit the Caribbean and Florida Keys. In Florida alone, it did millions of dollars of damage, destroyed tens of thousands of jobs, and caused the deaths of 75 people and counting (with thousands still at risk).

And if you believe that, the liberals have some Benghazi emails they’d like to sell you.

As Hurricane Irma neared the East Coast, a horrific encore to the tragedy that was Hurricane Harvey only weeks prior, the media offered dire predictions for the devastation to come.

But some people were getting tired of the MSM pushing its hurricane fearmongering. One of these skeptics was Rush Limbaugh, a man named after the way air moves between his ears and the best possible afterlife he could hope for. From his home in Palm Springs, Florida, the right-wing radio personality could feel a liberal conspiracy brewing.

To be clear, Limbaugh isn’t a hurricane denier; he just doesn’t think they’re a big deal. On his show, he proclaimed, “there is a desire to advance this climate change agenda, and hurricanes are one of the fastest and best ways to do it. You can accomplish a lot just by creating fear and panic.” And if there’s anyone who’s an expert on creating fear and panic to further a political agenda, it’s Rush.

To Limbaugh, it all sounds too convenient. A violent meteorological demon that thrives on the constantly warming ocean water like it’s a Monster energy drink and then lays waste to our industrial zones? That’s obviously some hoax dreamed up by what he calls the “official meteorological circles,” like he’s referring to a sinister cabal of druids which secretly controls the Weather Channel. Why else, he illogicked, does the media always scare people by saying each and every hurricane will hit a major city center? That’s not balanced and honest reporting! Where’s the 24-hour news cycle dedicated to the ones that merely swirl around on the ocean for a few days and slightly inconvenience some gulls? Typical media bias. Gull Lives Matter, too.

But then, to his great surprise, the liberal hoax caught up to him. As Irma started to lay waste to Southern Florida, Limbaugh was seen fleeing his home with nothing but the clothes on his back and his words to eat, desperately searching for the one Marriott in Northern Florida that doesn’t have his picture behind the front desk. So in the end, Limbaugh did not convince us to stop believing in storms, but he did bolster our belief in silver linings.

1

300 Years Of History Never Happened

This story begins where all wild stories begin: during a German archaeological conference. In 1986, a large collection of historians gathered in Munich to discuss how pissed off they were getting at Medieval con artists making their jobs harder. Medieval experts, unlike their peers, have to deal with a lot of fake news. Scholars and clergymen of the Dark Ages had this tendency to forge the hell out of documents, writing any old nonsense to further their own agendas. When you’re one of 20 people in your country who can read and write, you don’t really have to worry about peer review.

But some of these forgeries shared something remarkable: They were seemingly written centuries before the events they detail. This blew one mind in particular: Heribert Illig, who jumped to quite a shocking conclusion. You see, instead of these documents being badly dated or made to look older to raise their authenticity, the answer was much simpler: The past didn’t exist.

The foundation of Illig’s “phantom time hypothesis,” which denies that the period between 614 and 911 CE ever happened, lies in the fact that the Dark Ages were really, really boring. After the fall of the Roman Empire, Europe went through a bit of a burnout / mild apocalypse, so most dark agers didn’t get around to doing much else besides trying to survive to the ripe old age of 17. Then Illig discovered that when the Catholic Church decided to switch from the wildly inaccurate Julian Calendar (which was off by about one day per century) to the Gregorian, they only added 10 days instead of 13, revealing they knew there were three centuries fewer than what everyone else was told. Of course, Illig was dead wrong, but you can’t let something like a bit of bad math stand between you and claiming that a dozen generations of our ancestors never existed.

But with that realization, the real conspiracy theory kicked in. Surely, adding three extra centuries isn’t some accidental fuck-up made by some faulty monk copiers. This was the work of powerful and holy people — someone like Holy Roman Emperor Otto III. Otto, according to Illig’s new math, was a 7th century emperor who really wanted to rule in the year 1000, because he wanted to be easily remembered by German fifth-graders. So Otto and Pope Sylvester II set out to create three centuries of fake past to plug the gap. Then they went about filling this newly created 291 years with a bunch of worthless duds of kings, except that Otto got a bit carried away with his fanfiction and created Charlemagne, the Mary Sue of Medieval rulers.

Albrecht Durer“… and his sword was magic and could totally cut Superman, and he …” — Otto

There’s only one teeny tiny problem with Illinger’s hypothesis: It forgets that there’s an entire universe outside of European history. If the Dark Ages didn’t happen, then neither did the birth and dissemination of Islam in the Middle East, or the well-documented feudal renaissance of the Chinese Tang Dynasty. And even if you could believe that Otto toured the world convincing foreign leaders he didn’t know existed to get in on his epic prank, exact sciences like carbon dating, tracking astrological phenomena, or even counting tree rings like an Eagle Scout prove we’re right on schedule.

Yet despite the myriad of logical and fact-based arguments made against the phantom timeline, the idea won’t die. But we don’t have to explain to you why, right? Can’t you feel it? Doesn’t part of you want to believe that we set our civilizations’ alarm clocks three centuries too early? Takes the pressure off, doesn’t it, pretending to be living in 1720? We could all coast for the rest of our lives, knowing that we did amazing just by saying no to slavery and not dying of polio.

C’mon, it’s nice and warm here off the deep end.

Cedric would feel a lot better if hyper-intelligent lizards secretly ruled the world. You can follow him on Twitter, or directly contact him by tuning in to the frequency of his tooth fillings.

If you’re getting the feeling that you need to start living in paranoia, well, luckily you don’t have to worry about making your own tinfoil hat. You can just order one.

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For more, check out What Stupid Conspiracy Theory Is Out There Now? (12/3/17) and Katie, Jedi, And Other Conspiracy Theories Making The Rounds.

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Read more: http://www.cracked.com/article_25406_5-boneheaded-conspiracy-theories-you-had-no-clue-existed.html

Secret Pro-Life Meeting With Mike Pence Killed Obamacare FixFor Now

A bipartisan effort to stabilize the U.S. health-insurance markets collapsed last month after anti-abortion groups appealed directly to Vice President Mike Pence at the 11th hour, The Daily Beast has learned.

Amid opposition from conservatives in the House of Representatives, a group of pro-life activists met with Pence to lobby the Trump administration against supporting a health-insurance market-stabilization bill on the grounds that it does not contain sufficient language on abortion restrictions, according to sources with direct knowledge of the meeting. Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) was also in attendance at the Dec. 19 meeting, three of the sources said.

The next day, key lawmakers involved in crafting the legislation announced they were punting on the issue until 2018.

A spokeswoman for the vice president confirmed the meeting to The Daily Beast. A spokesman for McConnell did not respond to requests for comment.

Efforts to pressure Pence, a hardline social conservative and a former lawmaker, are thrusting abortion back onto the national stage in a debate over the future of health care in America, as Republicans deliberate behind closed doors on whether to try to scrap Obamacare again in 2018.

That effortthough it failed in the Senate several times last yearwas bolstered when the House and Senate passed a sweeping tax-overhaul bill last month. The legislation included a provision that scrapped the Obamacare individual mandate, a measure that required Americans to buy health insurance or pay a penalty.

The tax bill passed the Senate due in large part to Sen. Susan Collins (R-ME) vote, which was contingent upon the Senate voting at a later date on the bipartisan health-insurance market-stabilization bill that was crafted by Sens. Lamar Alexander (R-TN) and Patty Murray (D-WA). Collins has argued that the legislation would mitigate the effects of the individual-mandate repeal, which the Congressional Budget Office said would result in 13 million more Americans without insurance over the next 10 years. Collins also pushed for her bill with Sen. Bill Nelson (D-FL) that would allocate $10.5 billion for a federal reinsurance pool.

The Alexander-Murray legislation would restore Obamacare subsidies that the Trump administration cut off in October, and it would give individual states more flexibility to set insurance regulations. The Republican proponents of the bill argue that it would serve as a short-term stabilization measure to transition away from the Affordable Care Act, assuming congressional Republicans can come toor even seekan agreement on a replacement.

The bill, though, has an unclear path forward. It was thought to have enough support to pass the Senate, but Democrats appear to be backing off the bill, blaming the GOPs elimination of the individual mandate.

The Republicans want the bill. My question is, with the change in the marketplace that they created with the tax bill, is it still going to work? We dont have the answer, Murray, the co-creator of the compromise bill, told The Daily Beast. The marketplace has changed dramatically. So were looking at it.

Even before the individual mandate was repealed as part of the tax bill, Alexander-Murray did not pass muster with House Republicans, who last month floated the idea of adding a provision on the Hyde Amendment, which prevents federal dollars from being used for abortions. The pro-life activists who met with Pence last month said the absence of such a measure in the Alexander-Murray bill is a major red flag because it means that the subsidies, known as cost-sharing reduction (CSR) payments, could be used on health plans that fund abortions.

Marjorie Dannenfelser, the president of the pro-life Susan B. Anthony List, wrote in a letter to lawmakers last month that supporting Alexander-Murray is a vote to directly appropriate taxpayer dollars for insurance that includes abortion. Dannenfelser attended the meeting with Pence, which was viewed as critical because President Donald Trump had expressed support for Alexander-Murray in closed-door meetings on Capitol Hill, according to senators who attended those meetings.

Supporters of the legislation note that Hyde protections already exist under Obamacarethough pro-life activists claim that those are watered downand Republican senators pointed to a recent memo from the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services stating that the Trump administration would enforce those existing abortion provisions more strictly than the Obama administration did.

Moreover, the law itself only lasts through 2019 as a way to give Republicans enough time to come up with an Obamacare replacement. Still, social conservatives are seeking to further codify those protections so that they could outlast the Trump administration.

Adding Hyde Amendment language would shore up conservative support in the House, where Alexander-Murray has faced stiff opposition from hardliners who argue that the legislation simply props up Obamacare. At the same time, though, such a change to the legislationwhich was already brokered in a way that gave concessions to both sideswould nearly eliminate Democratic support for the bill, tanking it altogether.

McConnells attendance at the meeting was notable because he, at the urging of Alexander and Collins, delayed a vote on Alexander-Murray until after the holiday recess after initially promising Collins a vote on the bill in December. Republicans were considering adding Alexander-Murray to the government-funding bill before lawmakers left for the holidays, but such a move would have given House Republicans a reason to vote against the short-term funding measure, thereby threatening a government shutdown just three days before Christmas.

The day after the Pence meeting, Collins and Alexander announced they were urging McConnell to punt on the issue until January.

But as congressional leaders continue to negotiate a two-year government funding bill and an immigration deal, health care is expected to take a back seat even as talks continue. Lawmakers must come to an agreement on a funding mechanism before Jan. 19 in order to keep the governments lights on.

Betsy Woodruff contributed reporting.

Read more: https://www.thedailybeast.com/secret-pro-life-meeting-with-mike-pence-killed-obamacare-fixfor-now

Advocate for disabled workers is 2017 CNN Hero of the Year

(CNN)“My children are not broken,” Amy Wright insists.

Most parents don’t have to declare their children’s fundamental value, but after two of 2017 CNN Hero of the Year Amy Wright’s kids were born with Down syndrome, it was clear that she would have to back them up every step of the way.
“When you become a parent of a child with special needs, you are instantly thrust into becoming an advocate,” Wright explained. “Trying to make people see the beauty in their lives that we see.”
    Wright’s advocacy took the form of a coffee shop. She opened Bitty & Beau’s Coffee in January 2016, named for her two children.
    On Sunday, it was clear that Wright, Bitty, Beau and the 40 disabled employees at the Wilmington, North Carolina, shop have an army of supporters.
    Wright was named the 2017 CNN Hero of the Year for her efforts to advocate for disabled people. The award is determined by online voters who selected Wright from among the top 10 CNN Heroes finalists.
    Wright will receive $100,000 to grow her cause. All of the top 10 CNN Heroes for 2017 will receive a $10,000 cash award. Donations made to each of their designated nonprofit organizations are also being matched up to $50,000.

      CNN Heroes: ‘Welcome to Bitty & Beau’s!’

    “It hit me like a lightning bolt: a coffee shop!” Wright said. “I realized it would be the perfect environment for bringing people together. Seeing the staff taking orders, serving coffee — they’d realize how capable they are.”
    Wright was presented with her top 10 CNN Hero award by actress Diane Lane, who said: “She opened a business where people like her son and daughter could work and shine.”
    Sunday’s CNN Heroes tribute show was a night of shining stars, salutes and tears — and a few laughs, too.
    Hosts Kelly Ripa and Anderson Cooper kicked things off live from New York’s American Museum of Natural History with a unique rendition of “Wind Beneath My Wings,” complete with jazz hands by Kelly.
    Presenters Christian Bale, Diane Lane, Alfre Woodard, Christopher Meloni, Gaten Matarazzo and others added star power to the night.
    Singer Andra Day and rapper-actor Common serenaded the crowd with their hit “Stand Up for Something” to wrap up the inspirational evening.
    “This is emotionally taxing,” joked comedian Jim Gaffigan.

    ‘A new lens’

    Heading to New York City to be honored among the other top 10 CNN Heroes was a special moment for Wright.
    “I’m so emotional, just reflecting on this journey,” she said during Saturday’s rehearsal. “I would’ve never imagined 13 years ago, when my son Beau was born, that I would be doing what I’m doing today. I’m just overwhelmed with emotion thinking about where we’ve been and where we hope to go.”
    Wright told CNN her goal with the shop is to improve the lives of employees and change the viewpoints of customers.
    “Bitty & Beau’s Coffee is a new lens, one that changes the way people see other people. It’s about human value. It’s about acceptance. It’s about inclusion. It’s about much more than a cup of coffee.”
    It’s working.
    “Bitty & Beau’s has helped me a lot with my confidence,” said employee Matt Dean.
    “My employees are not broken; 200 million people across the world living with an intellectual or developmental disability are not broken,” Wright said Sunday night, when accepting her top 10 CNN Hero award. “What is broken is the lens through which we view people with disabilities.”
    All of the top 10 CNN Heroes are impacting their communities in immeasurable ways:
    • Stan Hays, a Grand Champion pitmaster uses his barbecuing skills to feed people in need during disasters through Operation BBQ Relief.
    • Samir Lakhani established the Eco-Soap Bank, which recycles used hotel soap for better hygiene and job creation in Cambodia.
    • Jennifer Maddox‘s after-school program, Future Ties, provides a safe space for more than 100 children to learn, grow and succeed in Chicago.
    • Andrew Manzi‘s nonprofit, Warrior Surf, provides free six-week surf camps for veterans and their families, complete with therapy sessions on the beach.
    • Rosie Mashale and the organization Baphumelele provide care for more than 5,000 orphaned, abandoned or sick children in South Africa, many of whom have lost parents to AIDS.
    • Leslie Morissette‘s project, Grahamtastic Connection gives computers, iPads and robots to ill kids so they stay connected to friends, family and school.
    • Mona Patel created the San Antonio Amputee Foundation, which offers peer support, education, recreation and financial help for people who need prosthetic limbs.
    • Khali Sweeney‘s Downtown Boxing Gym Youth Program provides around 100 Detroit children with training and academic tutoring five days a week.
    • Aaron Valencia founded the Lost Angels Children’s Project, an after-school program that focuses on classic car restoration.
    Also honored at Sunday’s event were the 2017 CNN Heroes Young Wonders, kids and teens who got an early start with their passion for giving. This group is determined to promote literacy, environmentalism, coding skills, nutrition and compassion.
    Donations made to the designated nonprofit organization of each Top 10 CNN Hero, via CNNHeroes.com and crowdrise.com/cnnheroes, will be matched up to $50,000 per CNN Hero through January 7, 2018.
    Now in its 11th year, the Peabody Award and Emmy-winning “CNN Heroes: An All-Star Tribute” has profiled more than 300 heroes and has received upward of 85,000 nominations from more than 100 countries.
    To learn more, like CNN Heroes on Facebook, follow @CNNHeroes on Twitter and use hashtag #CNNHeroes. Behind-the-scenes images can be seen on the CNN Heroes Instagram account.
    Donate to any of the top 10 CNN Heroes of 2017 by clicking the button below.

    Read more: http://www.cnn.com/2017/12/17/world/amy-wright-2017-cnn-hero-of-the-year/index.html

    Somebody Please Explain the Morning-After Pill to Male TV Writers

    One of lifes more enduring mysteries is how an astonishingly small percentage of television writers understand the female reproductive system.

    Black Mirrors fourth season hit Netflix last week, entertaining audiences with mini-movie-length meditations on all of the ways the tech-driven future will kill our bodies and souls.

    This season is special. All six episodes feature a female lead, since women seem to be a newly-discovered demographic in entertainment.

    But despite the deliberate effort to produce a show that is less pale and less male than most, one episode in particular has some women and public-health advocates rankled. (If you care about spoilers, now would be a good time to stop reading.)

    Episode 2, entitled Arkangel, features a mother named Marie, played by Rosemarie DeWitt, who has a chip installed in her young daughters head that allows her to track the little girls movements and vitals. Complications arise as Sara matures, and boil over when Sara becomes sexually active as a teenager. In the scene that serves as the linchpin to the episodes bloody climax, Marie discovers, through her app companion to her daughters tracking chip, that the girl is pregnant. She drives to a drug store in the middle of the night and obtains Emergency Contraception, which she grinds up and casually adds to her daughters smoothie the next morning. Sara becomes nauseous at school, and the nurse informs her that her illness is due to the emergency contraception she took to end her pregnancy.

    Black Mirror is a fictional show set in an imagined future, but none of the details of Saras pregnancy or drugging make any biological sense.

    Pregnancy doesn't happen right after you have sex, explains Elizabeth Clark, Planned Parenthood Federation of Americas Director of Health Media.

    And emergency contraception doesnt cause a morning-after abortion. Sperm can actually live inside someone's body for up to six days after sex, waiting for an egg to show up to be fertilized, Clark adds. The morning-after pill works by temporarily stopping ovulation so the ovary doesn't release an egg.

    Emergency contraception wont work if pregnancy has already occurred and cant interfere with a pregnancy that already exists.

    Further, the drug is most effective the sooner it is taken after unprotected sex, thus its availability over the counter is helpful to women who dont want to waste precious hours for a doctors permission. It doesnt make any sense, even in the world of Black Mirror, for Marie to hold the pills overnight and casually drop them in her daughters smoothie the next morning; that diminishes the drugs effectiveness.

    Does it matter if nobody in the team behind ArkangelBlack Mirror creator and writer Charlie Brooker, episode director Jodie Foster, star Rosemarie DeWitt, the rest of the cast and crew and production teamcould pass a detailed exam on how pregnancy works? Of course not. But whats unfortunate about this particular mass flub is that their misconception mirrors the misconception contraception opponents rely on to justify restricting womens access to reproductive options.

    Contraception opponents like the Catholic Church, the March for Life, Susan B. Anthonys List (a group that aims to elect anti-abortion politicians, a sort of Bizarro World EMILYs List), and others use emergency contraception and the abortion pill interchangeably, and by design. Belief that life begins at the moment of conception and not the moment of implantation means that anything that might deliberately interfere with the implantation of a fertilized egg in the uterus is the same thing as murder.

    Conflation of emergency contraception and the abortion pilltwo very different medicationsreinforces that belief. Im not sure thats what director Jodie Foster would have intended.

    Black Mirror is far from the first show to get it wrong. Back in 2011, The Walking Dead flubbed a morning-after pill plotline in a nearly identical way. When audiences pointed out the flaw, the shows creator Glenn Mazzara issued a flippant dismissal of their concerns.

    We exercised our artistic creative license to explore a storyline with one of our characters, not to make any pro-life or pro-choice political statement, he said. We sincerely hope that people are not turning to the fictional world of 'The Walking Dead' for accurate medical information.

    Seven years later, TV writers are making the same mistake, Donald Trump is president, and the Department of Health and Human Services is stacked with people who believe that myth. But sure, its just television.

    Film and television have a unique opportunity to portray sexual and reproductive health care in medically accurate and nonjudgmental ways for millions of viewers, PPFAs Elizabeth Clark adds. With access to health care and sex education under constant attack, its more important than ever for us to see accurate storylines when it comes to contraception, abortion, and other sexual health issuesas well as a whole range of peoples authentic experiences.

    Netflix and Black Mirror have not returned a request for comment.

    Read more: https://www.thedailybeast.com/somebody-please-explain-the-morning-after-pill-to-male-tv-writers

    Friends Watch 14-Yr-Old Get Raped in Basement & Stay Silent5 Months Later, Her Parents Discover the Truth

    P.J. was only 14 years old when she met the man who would rape her.

    Growing up in a military family, P.J.’s parents weren’t typically the kind to let their kids hang out with just anybody. But when the teen’s friends invited her to hang out with a military boy who was home for Christmas leave, they were surprisingly fine with it.

    The friends all gathered in P.J.’s house, and in her parents’ basement, with several witnesses, P.J. was raped. Every one of them remained silent about what happened.

    It wasn’t until five months later that P.J. found out that she was pregnant. The truth about what had happened in their basement finally came out when she told her parents.

    They were shocked, and furious. They felt guilty, and P.J.’s mother, Angela, admittedly considered taking her daughter to get an abortion.

    “I really thought I would take her to terminate the pregnancy,” Angela explains. “I was pro-life but with exceptions. I didn’t want to do that, but I was always told it was the thing to do in the case of forcible rape. My husband, however, said he couldn’t have anything to do with the death of a child. That it was still a human life. Everywhere we went, friends and religious people were very adamant that we should terminate.”

    Wrestling with the decision that weighed heavy on her heart, Angela was at a loss of how to best care for her daughter. Many of the people closest to her were encouraging her to help P.J. terminate the pregnancy, but her husband, Doug, was encouraging the opposite. She was reminded of her own experience with abortion.

    “In college, I got pregnant and I went to a health clinic. I was 24 weeks, and I had an abortion. My mother forced me to because she didn’t want to be embarrassed by my poor choices. We never spoke about it again. I have never gotten over it.”

    Like any parent, Angela wanted better for her daughter than what she had. She didn’t want P.J. to suffer with the same guilt and regret that she was forced to experience every day of her life.

    A friend called Angela and referred her to Trisha, who runs a Birth Right. She begged her to take P.J. there before they made any decisions.

    “Trisha was the first person to say it was going to be okay. She was the first person who actually encouraged us to keep [the baby]. As a woman, even if you’re pro-life, you’re told there’s nothing worse you can do to a rape victim [than tell her to keep her baby]. I’ve been told by everyone, especially the media, that abortion is what you do. Trish gave us Rebecca Kiessling’s pamphlet. We prayed about it and it was the best thing we had ever done. After we left Birth Right, P.J. cried—not because she was upset—but she said she felt relieved and like we were in a safe place. She said she knew Miss Trisha had her best interest at heart. When we heard [the baby’s] heartbeat, it was over for me. This child will be a gift from God. P.J. spent a lot of quiet time reflecting. She had a wisdom I didn’t have. Her strength and wisdom is what got us through.”

    As they pressed forward and prepared for baby James to make his grand entrance into the world, P.J.’s family decided to throw a baby shower. After all, this baby was P.J.’s first child, and their first grandchild. While the circumstance was unfortunate, the life of this beautiful baby was completely worth celebrating!

    P.J. gave birth to her son, James, in the fall of 2011. It was an exciting time full of joy and love, but the legalities of this little baby boy meant a long road ahead for P.J. and her family.

    As they moved forward with pressing charges against the man who raped her, they learned some disturbing facts that could severely endanger both P.J. and James.

    Where they lived, there were no laws in place to protect women and their children conceived in rape from their rapist. Something that seems so “obvious,” isn’t actually legislation, which is unbelievable. This man was legally allowed to move forward and seek custody and parental rights.

    In addition to the lack of protection they were up against, the man who raped P.J. had also previously raped another soldier—a male. He was also in the process of being discharged from the Army for illegal drug use.

    The other soldier later recanted his accusation, and the rapist was acquitted of rape. He was convicted of a felony for illegal use of cocaine, but those charges were no punishment for the pain and suffering he put P.J. through.

    Eventually, the rapist’s attempts at getting partial custody of James failed.

    Today, P.J. is a happy mama who spoils James with love and truth. She attends a women’s Bible study once a week, and she prays with James every day, constantly reminding him that he has always been wanted and loved.

    As for their decision not to terminate the pregnancy, Angela couldn’t be more grateful.

    “The minute we laid eyes on this child, we didn’t once equate him to the rapist. He’s just as much a victim. He has healed our family in ways we can’t explain. He is the most amazing gift from God. I don’t even know how to put it in words.”

    **Names have been changed to protect the victims

    Read more: https://faithit.com/teen-raped-parents-basement-told-abort-keeps-baby/

    40+ Things People Dont Realise Youre Doing Because Of Your Depression

    Depression affects millions of us, and while we are slowly opening up about mental health issues and beginning to banish the stigma that surrounds them, it is critically important to keep open the conversation to foster understanding and empathy for those who may be struggling.

    Sarah Schuster is the mental health editor at The Mighty, and she decided to find out how depression manifests itself in ways other people can’t see.

    “While most people imagine depression equals ‘really sad,’ unless you’ve experienced depression yourself, you might not know it goes so much deeper than that,” she writes. “Depression expresses itself in many different ways, some more obvious than others. While some people have a hard time getting out of bed, others might get to work just fine — it’s different for everyone.”

    Asking community members on The Mighty Facebook page the question: “What’s something people don’t realise you’re doing because you live with depression?” The response was eye-opening. Below is a list of some of the things that people had to say. Scroll down to check it out.

    Struggle to get out of bed, sometimes for hours. Then just the thought of taking a shower is exhausting. If I manage to do that, I am ready for a nap. People don’t understand, but anxiety amd depression is exhausting, much like an actual physical fight with a professional boxer.

    Going to bed at 9 pm and sleeping throughout the night until 10 or 11 am. Then getting out of bed is the hard part. Showering is also a struggle. Trying to keep the house tidy. Watching hours upon hours of Netflix but not even interested in what I’m watching because nothing really interests me anymore.

    Agreeing to social plans but canceling last minute. Using an excuse but really you just chickened out. It makes you think that your friends don’t actually want to see you, they just feel bad. Obligation.

    I can deal with depression, I can’t deal with people who say “we all get sad at times, get over it” “I’m depressed too, I get on with my life” depression isn’t the same for everyone. I’m glad some people can cope easier but I can’t.

    I don’t like talking on the phone. I prefer to text. Less pressure there.
    Also being anti-social. Not because I don’t like being around people, but because I’m pretty sure everyone can’t stand me.

    Sometimes I’ll forget to eat all day. I can feel my stomach growling but don’t have the willpower to get up and make something to eat

    Hiding in my phone. Yes, I am addicted to it, but not like other people. I don’t socialize, I play games or browse online stores to distract myself from my negative thoughts. It’s my safe bubble.

    In social situations, some people don’t realize I withdraw or don’t speak much because of depression. Instead, they think I’m being rude or purposefully antisocial.

    Say that I’m tired or don’t feel good all of the time. They don’t realize how much depression can affect you physically as well as emotionally. I have a hard time finding energy when I’m in a depressive cycle. That means I don’t stay on top of stuff & let things slide (like house work) because I use all of my energy for what absolutely has to be done. Then I have none left for anything else. When I’m depressed, we eat out more, my house chores fall behind, & I binge watch TV or read to escape. But the energy, that’s just gone.

    Purposely working on the holidays so I can avoid spending time with family. it’s overwhelming to be around them and to talk about the future and life so I avoid it.

    Add Answer

    People think I’m lazy and a freerider because I haven’t had a job since leaving uni. They don’t realise that I want to work more than anything, but have an endless stream of negativity constantly running through my head that terrifies me out of even printing out an application form.

    I used to live with depression. People didn’t seem to notice it because I was always smiling while talking to them and making jokes which made my personality look bright and joyful, while I was actually dark inside, full of sadness and lost hope.

    Isolating myself, not living up to my potential at work due to lack of interest in anything, making self-deprecating jokes. I’ve said many times before, “I laugh, so that I don’t cry.”
    Unfortunately, it’s all too true

    Being angry, mean or rude to people I love without realizing it in the moment. I realize my actions and words later and feel awful that I had taken out my anger on people who don’t deserve it

    Depression to me was like having an evil person as my puppet master telling me that I will feel no joy, have no desire, have no energy, no appetite, no light. Like something steals your soul. Until you have experienced it, you will not understand it. I wouldn’t wish this feeling on my worst enemy.

    For me, specifically the things I wish people would realise are due to my depression are my apparent “laziness”, virtually not keeping in touch with anyone, bad personal hygiene, and extremely bad reactions to seemingly trivial things.

    Neglecting to do basic things like laundry, not wanting to cook a meal or eat. They think I’m being lazy.

    Fighting day to day with not wanting to give up and trying to show myself my own self worth.

    When I reach out when I’m depressed its cause I am wanting to have someone to tell me I’m not alone. Not cause I want attention.

    I just sit all day, getting up only to use the bathroom. My chair is also my bed. I have a bed, but i just stay in my chair. I don’t sleep well, and I eat very little. The TV is on, but I may or may not be watching. I just sit.

    My house is a huge mess.

    Add Answer

    The struggle to get out of bed and get off the couch is hell. The physical pain that exists. The house always a mess because no one else will or can do anything and I get blamed which all just makes the depression worse. The thinking about what I need to do makes me anxiety paralyzing.
    Not having a job and physically not being able to even look for one after all the rejection.
    People think I’m lazy.
    I know a clean house helps me feel better, helps me socialize, causes peace and calmness, I want to and I try, but I just can’t. I know a job will give me purpose and reduce stress by adding some financial stability to my family. I really want one and perhaps that is why it is so heartbreaking every time those phone calls don’t come.

    I don’t talk much in large groups of people, especially when I first meet them. I withdraw because of my anxiety and depression. People think i am ‘stuck up’. I’m actually scared out of my mind worrying that they don’t like me, or that they think I’m crazy or stupid, by just looking at me…

    I over compensate in my work environment…and I work front line at a Fitness Centre, so I feel the need to portray an ‘extra happy, bubbly personality’. As soon as I walk out the doors at the end of the day, I literally feel myself ‘fall’. It’s exhausting! Then my night is a constant battle in my head fighting my desire to ‘shrink’ and anxieties. Most people that I interact with would NEVER know I live a daily battle of major depressive disorder, PTSD and anxiety. I am a professional at hiding it.

    Cancel plans because of anxiety. Stay home and hardly ever go out. Struggling to get out of bed everyday. It’s exhausting. Getting ready for work is a struggle. There is so much. Been dealing with this for 35 years

    The excessive drinking.
    Most people assume I’m trying to be the “life of the party” or just like drinking in general. I often get praised for it.
    But my issues are much deeper than that.

    People don’t realize that I say sorry before I even think about expressing any opinions because that’s how worthless I feel. I’m apologizing for feeling anything about anything because that’s how little I feel I matter. They don’t just know I feel like apologizing for even breathing in their general direction. I even say I’m sorry before asking to use the bathroom no matter how long I’ve held it. I feel like a burden for biological needs I have no control over.

    That I’m fighting through a wall of separation when I talk to them. That sometimes I blank or delay in answering because I’m still trying to process what they’re saying.

    That when I reach out to them it’s after an agonizing period of trying not to. I don’t want to burden people with my shit, but sometimes I just need to hear someone’s voice.

    That my everyday is marked with extreme fatigue and exhaustion. That everything for me takes much much longer.

    That I am completely envious of people who are full of life and genki af. That I wish my life was nothing but optimism and bliss, that I felt a zest for life and was overflowing with energy. That that is who I really am behind all the junk they have to see and put up with. That I wish I could just ignore it all and have fun.

    Sometimes I’ll go days without speaking to anybody. People tend to believe I’m ignoring them on purpose when really I am just lost within myself. I don’t mean to seem like I’m pushing people away. Some days it’s hard when my thoughts consume me and when I can’t find the motivation to simple things that others do on a daily basis.

    I wake up feeling like I’m a failure. I have to coach myself every morning into telling myself that I’m good at my job, my kids love me, my husband needs me…and if I don’t go to work everything gets shut off… it’s like I can’t move…

    Answering slowly. It makes my brain run slower and I can’t think of the answers to the questions as quickly. Especially when someone is asking what I want to do – I don’t really want anything. I isolate myself so I don’t have to be forced into a situation where I have to respond because it’s exhausting.

    Add Answer

    I push away/cut off everyone that I care about because I can’t bear to be hurt by them! Everyone just thinks I’m mean and anti-social.

    Keeping the house dark is a comfort thing for me. People always point it out, like “No wonder you’re so depressed. You need to let some light in.” Darkness in my living space makes me feel comfortable, almost like I’m not alone, on my bad days. Good days, I’m all about the sunshine!

    Sleeping, anxiety, not eating, feeling worthless, directionless, not wanting to impose my worthless directionless self on other people, being completely exhausted by having to keep the outer mask in place (which is why I’m antisocial– simply being upbeat enough to order coffee at Starbucks will sometimes rinse me for the afternoon).

    I want to talk about it. I want to scream. I want to yell. I want to shout about it! But all I can do is whisper “I’m fine.”

    Overthinking everything and over planning. The need to make everything perfect and everyone happy even if it’s taking all my energy. As if validation from someone else will make it all better. Sometimes I start out on high power then just crash and don’t even enjoy what ive spents weeks/months planning. And none will see me for months after, as I retreat into my safe bubble

    I find that after so many years I just can’t believe in people at all anymore. My vision of myself and the world is so negatively distorted that no matter how much I want to believe when people are nice to me, I can’t.

    People who say I’m not ugly are lying and laughing behind my back. People who act like they like me are just going with the flow and don’t really care.
    Even if they aren’t being mean, they’re just being polite, and it’s not like they care about me personally. Being a part of a group actually means that you’re just one more and don’t individually matter.

    People are not honest, people are always just “polite” – kindness is a lie to look good to others and to feel good about themselves.

    Agonizing over tiny problems for days because I’m too afraid to talk to the person who hurt me. Then being told I need to “get over it” or “calm down” or “stop dwelling”. Yes, I know this is not a big deal. Yea, I know I’m making a mountain out of a molehill. Yes, I know I’m difficult, impossible, frustrating and annoying… but I’m also just trying to get through my day. All I need is that reminder that I’m actually okay, not someone demanding that I BE okay.

    Hiding out in my room for hours at a time watching Netflix or Hulu to distract my mind or taking frequent trips to the bathroom or into another room at social gatherings because social situations sometimes get to me.

    I CAN RELATE TO EVERY COMMENT I HAVE READ WHICH IS SO SAD. SO MANY OF US HURTING AND LIVING WITH THE FEELING WE ARE ALONE. I EVEN FEEL GUILTY TALKING TO MY COUNSLER THINKING SHE IS GETTING SO TIRED OF ME TALKING ABOUT THIS STUFF. I BEAT CANCER A FEW YEARS AGO AND YOU WOULD THINK THAT WOULD HAVE GIVIN ME A NEW LEASE ON LIFE BUT IT ONLY MADE ME MORE DEPRESSED THOSE WHO HAVE HAD TO DEAL WITH DEPRESSION FOR A LONG TIME WILL UNDERSTAND WHY.

    I get obsessive over things. Things like I’m worthless or I’m a bad person or I’m secretly just like the people I hate most. Sometimes I can’t tell if what I am thinking is true or not. I get anxiety at social events. I feel like people hate me or just don’t care about me. I cling to certain people and want them to love me. My brain sometimes goes into overdrive and I can’t turn it off and it causes a downward spiral that is hard to pull out of.

    I don’t tell people because I don’t want to be labeled. I don’t want them to see me as broken and depressed or that I’m just being silly. But at the same time people get upset at me or mad about things but they don’t understand what I have to deal with.

    I listen to music a lot. I read tons and tons of fantasy books. I like watching movies. All of these take me away from reality for a while and puts me into amazing worlds where I know things are going to end happily. I love being in plays and musicals because I get to be someone else entirely and I know how things are going to end and it makes me happier.

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    Running a business not answering the phone for years … still works, though …. cancelling all the jobs that makes it neccessary leaving my home … can‘t leave my cats alone … I am turning into this crazy cat lady … at least I don‘t miss anything – I really enjoy my own company … people empty me .

    Every night I look at all the pictures of dead relatives I have and asking them to please come get me I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m 71 and have been suffering from depression on and off in my life since I was 18. I truly am done.

    I think its hard for people to understand me when i may sound negative because i live with depression. They might question my motivation n even determination to do something but they dont realize its a battle to wake up everyday fighting my own thoughts n suffering from low energy.

    Some very universal themes in all the examples. I remember my days, twenty years ago, before medication and therapy well. Realizing that my feelings were not unique was part of the key; overcoming isolation was another. It cannot be fixed alone.

    I thought I was really bad at hiding my anxiety until one day a friend came to tell me that she wished she lived her life like how I did mine , cause I am always happy and take everything with a pinch of salt. Now I know that I’m an ace at covering up .

    I know what should I do to get rid of depression, but I can’t. I’m in a lake, I know how to swim, but I’m paralyzed. I think that’s it.

    Almost all day every day I am on the internet reading science fiction short stories and going through sites like this for a sort of escape. When there is company I keep to myself more, unless my sister and her family are visiting.

    Going for late night walks by myself. My depression keeps me awake at night and my thoughts can get so overwhelming I feel physically crowded inside. Late night walks help me quiet the screaming in my head.

    I have often been accused of having “no sense of humor”. So wrong. Before depression took over my life I smiled, and laughed, as much as the next person. Now, having lived with depression for over 15 years, the humor I find in a joke, or situation, is rarely visible on my face or heard in my laugh. I feel humor, but it’s just too much effort to express it. I don’t have the energy.

    I feel like a stranger in my own life. Having had surgery, off work, no savings, short term disability behind, water frozen, kitchen full of dirty dishes, but I am alive and taking meds.

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    It’s so comforting to see I’m not alone. Being indecisive, having extreme difficulty making decisions because you can only see and fear all the things that will go wrong. And when/if a decision has been Finally made, the inability to take action and carry it out because of fear and anxiety. Financial problems overwhelming, inadequacy, social fear, losing your temper for no reason, hours of crying fits, safety in your little home, but being so lonely, heartbreak, regret and grief because of loss of dreams, feeling useless & lazy because you cannot complete basic household chores. Eating too much junk or nothing at all because it’s too much trouble. Having a long list of fun things to do in your spare time that you KNOW will make you feel great about yourself, but you just cannot get out of bed to do them – yearning for the days when you could. Just wanting to sleep so you don’t have to FEEL anything. The GUILT of having depression because everyone else seems to have their life together and so should you at this age. But you don’t know how to do it. The guilt you feel because of the Support you DO get from Friends who understand – don’t they have their own lives to live without having to worry about you all the time? Not feeling good enough/worthy of being loved by someone after being rejected. Escaping into your phone or movies/series. Genuinely not wanting to carry on, even/especially after 3 suicide unsuccessful ‘attempts’, because it seems this is as good as it gets and you are just using up Earth’s valuable resources, a waste of space. Feeling like a burden. Depression is a killer.

    People will always tell you “When you’re feeling like that, reach out to someone”. But I don’t want to anymore. Any time that I try to, I’m told I’m too negative, or to get over it, or SOMETHING along the lines of “How dare you have told me this?”. Every time I try to open up to people they either tell me off or just outright block me.
    It’s come to the point where when I hear people say “I care about your happiness”, I interpret it as “I only care about you when you’re happy”. Talking through these kinds of emotions are usually a great help, but how can I get said help if nobody cares enough about me to talk to me about it at all? I’m grateful to have a therapist, but a lot of people don’t have the money or other resources for such help.

    Endless negativity towards yourself and everyone else. Feeling like a continuous failure because you don’t have the energy to do the right things in your life. Constantly telling yourself you’re worthless and people around you will be better off if you’re not there. Panic attacks that happen at night and keep you awake. Wondering if it will ever get over.

    I volunteer for everything from going to pto meetings to baby sitting to cleaning someone else’s house for them. I surround myself with situations and obligations that force me to get out of bed & get out of the house because if I’m not needed, I won’t be wanted..

    I always say I’m going to do something with the guys and when it comes time to do it. I back away. Also sleeping for hours not because I’m lazy but because dealing with all the thoughts in my head from anxiety along with depression is exhausting. Feels like kind of when your in winter and the cold air is blowing and you find it hard to breath. It’s like that daily for me.

    I’ve dealt with depression most my life. Most my symptoms are manageable as long as I’m being mindful of my attitude, thoughts, and behavior. I don’t ignore people and I let them know when I need alone time or if I’m not feeling well. When life gets boring or mundane I remind myself that this is not my last stop and I continue dreaming. These are some of the ways that I manage depression.

    I prefer to be awake through the night because I can just stay in bed without anyone getting mad. I sleep up to 15 hours a day during bad periods. When I’m awake, I live in my head, I often don’t even move.

    Just getting in the bath or making a cup of tea is a major achievement. Having my dog has made me get out of the house at least twice a day, have to take hours to get motivated sometimes though. But if I didn’t have him, I probably wouldn’t leave the house unless it was for work.

    I get very apathetic. And I’ll refuse (read: I can’t) to make any decisions. Even tiny ones like what to eat. I physically won’t be able to make a decision. So if there isn’t someone around to tell me to eat something and what to eat, I won’t eat. If there isn’t someone to tell me to go to sleep, I won’t. It gets to the point where if someone asks me to make a decision or tries to force me to make a decision I’ll just curl up into a ball and cry.

    My sleep patterns are all over the place. I have lots of bad dreams and I’m tired all the time. Work takes a lot of energy, being happy and enthusiastic (I’m a teacher) I crash when I get home. Change makes me anxious. On bad days my hands will shake and I feel anxious and jittery but I don’t know why. I forget my words. If I’m down and someone asks how I’m going I’ll just burst into tears. I’m happiest when I’m too busy to think, but then I wear out and crash. The situation that caused my depression is gone and logically I know I should be fine now, happy now…but I’m still struggling. I lost good habits and picked up some bad habits. I’ll agree to plans and then cancel, I feel like I’m turning into a hermit and if I talk to someone about it they will think I’m weak and get sick of me being down all the time. So, I stay home by myself.

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    I’m 25 but still virgin, no job, no money no boyfriend, I still live with my family, I can’t even graduate from college at my 6th year because I can’t focus anything, I can’t get up from bed, I don’t want to do anything, just sleep and hope to die.

    As i read these, i can totally relate to almost all of them. That constant
    battle royale what you have to fight against your demons. The struggle to eat, to shower, to clean your room/house, go to school/workplace. And the world says that you are lazy is only oil onto the fire. When they say “yeah everyone gets sad”. Well you don’t say? I’m not sad. I’m DEPRESSED. There is a huge difference. Sadness is an emotin when something bad happened. Depression is feeling sad, alone, exhausted or even suicidal etc. My favourite is “you have nothing to be depressed, you have at least half of your life in front of you”. Yea… most people can’t realize the fact depression has multiple reasons, Not just the traumatical one. It can be in your genes because someone was depressed in your family, it can be a random switch from a day to the other just because your neurochemical balance got broken and became a neurochemical imbalance. So you don’t need any reason to be depressed it can just happen. (just like in my case, and in many others’)

    Sometimes i just don’t eat for 2-3 days, then i try to eat normally, then i eat a lot. Same with sleep. Somethimes I’m like an insomniac, then I’m like i have hypersomnia. This cycle is what killing a lot of us.

    That feel when sleep is not just a sleep anymore, more likely a way to escape. But then you realise that when you sleep only the time passes but it’s just like a snap of fingers and you feel the demons again. Then you feel like “please god, i don’t want to wake up tomorrow, please”. The feel when you are in front of the mirror and just screaming/crying and literally begging to yourself to hold on.

    I know how it feels, i feel like I already lost and I’m really afrad if it as well.

    But please, whoever you are, be strong, i know it’s a cliche what you hear always, but we hear that all the time only because it’s our only chance.

    I’m currently feeling some pretty deep depression because of what I’m going through. Between the stress and depression all I can do is sleep because I’m so worn out. In some pretty dark places right now and pushing everyone away. I hope it will end when I face the monster that is trying to kill me at the end of the month. I’ve lost everything in the last 2 years because of this person and their agency. I can relate to just about everyone of these and have lost friends over it. I had one friend tell me that my friends don’t like hanging out with me because I’m negative. Well a chance to loose your life is pretty negative. Just saying.

    People think I’m really flaky. I say I’m busy and I can’t do the thing I said I’d do but I’m busy hiding. That’s depression. The great need to be busy until you’re so totally physically exhausted so you don’t have to be afraid of your own thoughts: that’s anxiety.

    I have tendencies towards a lot of what’s been described here: I wake up sometimes and think: ‘Ugh! How am I going to get up today?’ I have times I want to avoid people, where I become very introverted, where I want to drink every night, where I don’t feel like making any efforts to try to address my difficult financial situation (I can’t find a good job just yet).

    I can’t speak for everyone, but what works for me, and I think will work for some, but certainly not all others, is that I work against these things one at a time, with simple but effective rules: 1. I will not let myself sleep more than 8.5 hours (assuming I’m not recovering from some serious sleep deprivation) 2. I will not let myself buy alcohol at a store or go to a bar until a weekend night. 3. I will require myself to do at least a few job applications, or application follow ups or go to some networking thing at least a few times a week. 4. I will exercise at least for a half hour 5-6 days a week. 5. I will write one more chapter of my novel manuscript today. 6. I will tidy up my room for 10-20 minutes as I play my favorite music. 7. I will enjoy a little indulgent food like dessert but I won’t go crazy on dessert.

    Ask yourself this: can I put my more intelligent self in charge, one simple step at a time?

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    I can’t sleep at night because thoughts of failure run through my head

    I’m always alone until someone in my family needs something. And I’m up all night trying to figure out how to solve everyone else’s problem. After their problem are solved, they’re gone…no thank you, and they may even talk about me behind my back about how they used me again. But If I don’t help, I’m the crazy sister, aunt,etc.. If family does this to you, I’m afraid to meet strangers. No one cares that I’m alone all day at home hiding in the house with burns all over my body, I’ve been told that I’m too depressing to be around, until they need help again. I need to drop my family and find people like me. But where do burn victims hook up? Heaven I guess!

    Everyone here is not alone, This thread is proof of it. There are people out there who can help work through a lot of theses issues, being medication or conversation, relationship or companionship. The point is, It sucks. This disease really sucks. But to help and fix this disease we need to speak up, Most friends and family and doctors won’t know until we tell them. It also helps to push myself daily, to challenge myself, even to scare myself. Maybe to set a time to get up or shower or eat. After awhile it becomes routine. Routines can help move to a better position. Just my 2cents.

    My emotions overwhelm me. I second guess everything I do or don’t do. I feel like no matter what I do it will be wrong. I am constantly exhausted and want to escape into sleep to avoid life. I feel hopeless and helpless and I don’t think anyone understands. I want to scream for help but no one knows how to help me and I feel like they don’t want to hear it and they’re trivializing my struggle. I want to physically cut it out of myself.

    Always having to be around someone. I have a total inability to be alone. I don’t even have to talk to a person…as long as I know they’re physically there, I’m content. Otherwise, depressing thoughts creep in and I end up driving myself crazy. It’s less effort to put on the facade that I’m fine in front of other people, than it is to face myself alone.

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    Sometimes I can’t breathe

    I have anxiety and pretty much think I’m useless all the time & that people don’t actually like me. It’s like My inner monologue is constantly putting me down. Because of this, I can’t handle criticism of any kind. In a work situation it comes across like I’m not listening when taking constructive criticism, or if I’ve made a mistake and I’m being called out on it. It may seem like I’m ignoring criticism but in reality I’m shutting down because i’ve already started to tell myself that I’m useless and I’m scolding myself for messing up.

    I don’t feel like I’m “in me”. I feel like I’m looking on. Like I’m behind something but watching with hypervigilance. I also stress over things way beforehand. “Which door will I go in? Someone’s going to laugh if I get the wrong door”. “Where do I park? I’m going to be in someone’s way”. “When I walk in, everyone’s going to look at me”. It goes on and on. My mind is so chaotic that it is empty, blank. I cannot say things in order or make others understand what I am trying to get across. Words won’t come. When they do they don’t come out right or the thoughts in my head are not the thoughts I am thinking. They think I’m using figures of speech. Once I was telling my therapist that I didn’t feel like I was 46. She went to give me a high five! I meant that I feel emotionally stunted, like I didn’t go past a certain point somewhere along the line. I have PTSD from sexual abuse by one person and physical and verbal abuse from my father. I had it coming at me in every direction it feels like. I feel SO tired all the time, all, the time. No energy to do anything. I have no interest in anything anymore. My apartment isn’t dirty but things pile up. I know, logically I need to get my butt moving but I just can’t. I want to sleep and nap all the time. Facebook is an outlet for me. I have made groups so that I can post

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