What Its Like To Be In Love When You Have Depression

No one will love you until you learn to love yourself is an easy enough phrase to believe is true. But its terrifying, especially when you have depression. What if you never learn? As a teenager, it made me fear for my life as an adult. I was certain I would never be capable of being in a relationship, but I was very wrong. Honestly, I do not like myself very much, and in August of 2013, a boy fell very, very much in love with me.

I have dealt with depression for as long as I can remember. Ive been on and off medications, been to therapy, but its still alive and well, comfortable in its home in my bones. I can feel it every day, a tiny inkling that causes breathtaking emotional pain at the most inconvenient of times.

My depression doesnt care that I am in a relationship with a boy who makes me laugh, tells me Im beautiful 20 times a day, and cares more deeply for me than any other boy has. I am grateful for the nights he holds me while I cry for hours for no reason. I am thankful that he puts up with my random periods of irritability. He constantly attempts to comfort me if I am suddenly uncomfortable when were out in public. He fills me with hope for the future when I lead myself down the darkest of paths, plays with my hair when Im having trouble sleeping, and encourages me to eat when I have no appetite. He takes care of me and I never even had to explain myself. I still consciously think to myself, nine months into this relationship, Wow, someone is in love with me. I often think about how lucky I am to be loved, regardless of my flaws in chemistry.

This intense love is frightening, because every day, I fear that one more thing will push him over the edge. That one more time of me rolling over in bed, teary-eyed, for no reason, could push him away. I know it upsets him, and I reassure him through my salty, blurred vision that its not his fault. I am often overcome with guilt and I hate that my feelings about myself cause any pain on his part. Sometimes he is not easily convinced, but I try as hard as I can with the little energy I have. Some of our nights end in a tight hug and an Im sorry mumbled from my lips, but Im just thankful that he is still happy to wake up to me every morning.

Every day is a struggle. I am constantly on edge, going back and forth between caring too much and not caring at all, wondering when he will have enough. He is quick to remind me how much he loves me, but I am just as quick to be overcome with crippling doubt. We both know that this is how forever will be, and if he hasnt given up yet, Im certain that he is 100% all in.

Never let anyone tell you that you are not worth being loved if you dont love yourself. Never let anyone tell you that your mental illness is the reason why you are not in a relationship. Never let anyone tell you that you should smile more, fix your hair, or wear more color. Never let anyone makes you feel bad about what you cant always control.

Someone will be in love with you regardless of your most comfortable state, and if that happens to be curled up on the floor of your room, crying as you listen to your favorite sad songs, then you have found true love.

featured image – Bhumika Bhatia

Read more: http://thoughtcatalog.com/holly-everett/2014/06/what-its-like-to-be-in-love-when-you-have-depression/

6 reasons you need to watch this British dating show immediately

Looking for love is far from easy. Sometimes it can feel like you’re doing it all wrong. But one British reality dating show is bringing joy, laughter, and even the odd tear, to viewers by showing the more human side to first dates.

Set in a restaurant in the heart of London, Channel 4’s First Dates allows viewers to eavesdrop on real-life blind dates.

Of course, there’s crippling nerves, wardrobe malfunctions, excruciating silences and table manner slip-ups. But, it’s so much more than just a spectacle of hilarious encounters.

With each date featured on the show (now in its eighth season) you hear people’s backstories, and you find out why, for some people, going on a date is a huge milestone.

If you’re a dater who’s had more than your fair share of bad dates, First Dates will reassure you that you’re far from alone. If you’re coupled up, First Dates will give you a cheeky glimpse into other people’s love lives. And, if you’re a sucker for romantic stories, this show will undoubtedly move you to tears.

Here are just a few of the reasons you need to watch this cult hit immediately.

1. You’ll see that first-date nerves are very common

Not a single episode of First Dates goes by without someone admitting that they feel very, very nervous. One recurring dater on the show was named “Nervous Louis” because his first date was derailed by his crippling nerves. But, Louis persevered and he came back on the show for a date with someone new, and spoiler alert it went really well! The pair agreed to see each other again. Hurrah!

2. You’ll see proof that first dates can lead to very happy endings

When a date goes really well on First Dates, it’s truly a pleasure to watch. From the moment they connect, you’re rooting for them. You want them to go out again and maybe, just maybe stay together forever.

And, the wonderful thing is: that actually happens on the show. When Ibiba and Aarron share a lovely date together on the show, they talk about some very real feelings about their pasts. And, they later return to announce that they’re having their first baby together!

When Scott and Victoria met on the show, they hit it off straight away. After 3 weeks they moved in together. They returned to First Dates for another special moment.

Awwwwww!

3. You’ll hear people’s life stories and it will probably make you cry

First Dates is a show about dating at all stages of life. Some daters have tragically lost their previous partners, and many share their stories and their reasons for re-entering the world of dating. These stories are profoundly touching, and a reminder that dating is far from easy at any stage in life.

Octogenarians Patricia and Alan shared the many troubles they had faced during their lifetimes, adding that they want to live life to the full. Widower Alan talked about losing his wife and his son, and it’s safe to say his story had people reaching for their tissues.

“Life is so bloody short and so many people don’t realise that. I don’t want to die with any regrets,” said Alan. “I love life.”

Some people on the show talk about the impact of past heartbreaks. On one very emotional date, Damian opened up to his date Kai about developing Tourettes after a very bad breakup, which impacted on his mental health. Kai then revealed that he has been living with depression for much of his adult life.

“I was in love and I took that breakup really hard. I just didn’t think that I could cope. It was at that time that the tics started,” he said.

4. You’ll see that other people get stood up too

The course of true love doesn’t always run smoothly. And sometimes people don’t show up to dates. First Dates has had its fair share of no-shows over the seasons. But, every single deserted dater has had another bite at the cherry. As they say, second time’s a charm.

5. You’ll see that it really is a very small world

For many of us, the idea of going on a date with an ex-partner is not entirely our idea of a good time. But, a couple of times on the show, daters have been accidentally reunited with blasts from their past. In one episode, Vince and Anna shared a date and both mention that they feel like they’ve met before. Turns out they dated when they were teenagers…

6. You’ll see that embarrassing moments are all part of the charm of dating

There are heaps of awkward moments on the show, and they only serve to make the daters even more endearing to their dates.

First Dates is a lesson to us all: even when we’re making fools of ourselves, we’re still lovable. Most importantly of all, the show teaches us that dating can be hard for just about everyone.

But, just like the First Dates daters, there could be a happy ending right around the corner.

WATCH: 20 British sex terms to you can totally use in America

Read more: http://mashable.com/2017/04/20/first-dates-british-dating-show/